Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Going South

My BF is going to be turning the big 50 next month and I wasn't going to throw her a party because we were going to celebrate it on a weekend out of town somewhere. I also did the big shower for her daughter and the big celebration for my son's graduation so I felt like I was partied out. However, I was having a conversation with a friend who has been laid up for several weeks from an operation and she felt that we should do one. In fact, she wants to have it at her house since she will be house bound for at least 6 weeks. I'm thinking OK , let's do it but I want it to be low key and not a huge extravaganza.

I don't know what it is about turning 50 but I have been in a slump lately. I will be turning 50 myself in a couple of months as will be my husband. Maybe it's because my son left for school or maybe it's because I haven't found what my purpose in life is. I feel malaise and down in the dumps. Like a 20 year-old trapped in an aging receptacle with everything going south on it. I now have a double chin that I can't get rid of and I have to color my hair every month. I think I would have cardiac arrest if I saw myself in my natural hair color. It would be totally white. The maintenance seems to be increasing with every year. I have to do exercises just to maintain the flabby spare tire around my middle and keep it from getting bigger. My heels are starting to crack so now I need special foot cream to counter that. What's next? It sure is fun to get old.

I listened to conversations with my elderly parents and their brothers and sisters. It's all about what aches and what pains they have been experiencing. Is this what I have to look forward to?

Still I have heard that the 50's can be a really wonderful time and that some people feel like they don't have to prove themselves to anyone anymore. It's all about just being happy with who you really are and getting the most out of life that you can .

I don't know why I feel this way except that I do and I guess it is OK. Experience tells me that "this too shall pass" . These feelings will fade away and the sun will come out again. Turning 50 can be about aging and getting old but it can also be about having the wisdom to know that life can be good again despite its ups and downs.


BetteJo said...

I've heard so many women feel this sense of freedom as they get older - I just think it sucks. And from what I understand it's not unusual for parents, but Moms especially, to go through a period akin to mourning when one of their kids leaves for school. Sigh-h-h. I have 2 more years - but I'm there with you already. :)

palette48 said...

Yes, it is crappy -getting older. I feel like my role as mom is being redefined and I'm just not ready for it yet. Glad to know you are there with me.